perder la vida

Learning to Live Missionally and Mindfully

art, inversion beds, iPods, and red fingernails April 30, 2007

Filed under: ME — Katie @ 12:40 pm

Life has been stressful lately…. when it rains, it pours. But, I have a pretty good umbrella, so I’m not too worried. There are a few things in life, though, that have been making me happy lately. 

1. Art – the most recent source of happiness. I got to see some of Greg’s artwork from this semester and was reminded of just how talented he really is! He also gave me a really neat print that now hanging in my bedroom. 

2. Inversion beds – Didn’t even know these existed until a week ago or so. My mom decided she wanted to buy one to help with her back & neck issues. An inversion bed is basically this crazy contraption that you lay on and as you move your hands over your head, it reclines in an almost-entirely upside-down position. It stretches out your muscles and… basically, is God’s gift to those of us in pain. 

3. iPods – I had an iPod photo that I loved. However, when I sold my laptop, he decided not to be able to hookup to other computers so that I could give him new msuic. So, I’ve been listening to the same music for about seven months. And since my car doesn’t have a CD player, my variety of music has been very sad and slim. But, my mom decided to buy me a new iPod and now I can be cool again. Pearl, my iPod, and I are very good friends now. 

4. Red fingernails – I have never worn fingernail polish. Ever. I paint my toenails, but that’s about it. Okay… I wore black nail polish on Valentine’s day, but that’s another story. Anyway, I decided to paint my nails for fun. And they actually look half-decent. I feel more spiffy. 

 

Hello, wall. April 26, 2007

Filed under: ME — Katie @ 8:04 am

My heart hurts today… for so many reasons. For the past few months, I feel like I’ve been in the eye of the storm – where it’s quiet and peaceful. Every day, I would wake up and be amazed that nothing horrible had happened to me. I knew that I would hit the wall one day. You can’t spend your life walking on a cloud… that’s just life. 

Yesterday was a hard day for me in a lot of ways. Funerals are much harder for me now because I have to relive my own experience. I was comforted when someone told me that, even though her father died 8 years ago, she still relives her own feelings and emotions when someone dies and is buried. Until I heard her say that, I felt a little self-absorbed for being so upset. I know that Christians can “grieve with hope” and that we have the promise of Heaven, but it is still hard to lose a parent, husband, friend, mentor, minister. It was also hard to see people that I know I’ve hurt time and time again. Having to remember the things I’ve done, said, and thought makes me sick to my stomach. Realizing the friendships I’ve lost because of my own bitterness and immaturity is also a pretty hard pill to swallow. 

But, I can’t focus on those things. That was the old Katie. This is the new Katie. I thought new Katie was born a long time ago, but she really wasn’t. 

Old Katie let her circumstances get the best of her. She let things like bitterness and frustration and disappointment control her – to the point that she didn’t even recognize herself. Who I was then is not who I want to be remembered as being. I want to be remembered like Lee is remembered. Someone who loved everyone – period – because that’s how God loves people. God doesn’t love people regardless of their faults or despite their inadequacies. No, God loves people because of their faults and inadequacies. Because He knows how desperately we need Him – even when we don’t.

I need some grace. Okay, I need a whole lot of grace.