For over four years now, facebook has provided me with hours upon hours of mind-numbing, unimportant, and menial entertainment. What started, for me, as a way to connect with my new fellow University of Montevallo students became an all-entrancing gadget in which I could post all my favorite movies, rant and rave about how awesome I am in the “about me” section (to which has currently been reduced to read, “About Me: I have an awesome life.”). It grew into a tool in which I could have a virtual bulletin board where I could display all my favorite “pieces of flair”. I spent hours searching through flair. I could write on my friends walls about hanging out and getting together, so that the whole world would know that me and the other person had something to do other than play on facebook. Usually, though, the hang out never happened. And still isn’t happening. I could create a virtual library, where you could see all the covers of the books I have read. And, of course, I could make things FBO (“Facebook Official”) when relationships got serious…. or un-serious.
Today, facebook’s membership has been extended to include people such as my mother. A sixty-two year old retired gal who likes to randomly stalk (and then comment) on my posts. I should remember that she can read this. (And that she will probably read this blog post, so I better be careful!). Facebook has become Town Square, at least in the virtual world. Everyone is there. I have more “friends” than necessary. I tried to clean up my friends list yesterday to no avail. There are people I don’t really talk to, but I’m nosey, so I want to still know what is going on in their life. That is S-A-D. I decided only to delete the people I actually did not know or no longer had any relevant communication with. I think i deleted about ten people. TEN. Out of over 900. Again, that is S-A-D.
Lately, if you’re like me, you’ve been bombarded with invitations to causes, games, quizzes, groups, and events. And you’ve probably already read about a bazillion blogs or seen several videos that complain about facebook. Well, hate to break it to you… but if you’re reading this, you can add it to your list. I don’t normally complain about facebook, but…. today has been a special day filled with lots of unexpected events so I feel like a good facebook rant is a must. You might be asking yourself at this point, “Self, what frustrates Katie about facebook?” Well, here’s your answer: all the stuff you ask me to do or put out there for me to read that I don’t want to do, read, see, or think about!
I have compiled a list:
1. I do not want to be your friend… if I don’t know you! Who are you and why are you stalking me, stalkery people? The least you can do is clarify who you are and why you want me to be your friend. Then I’ll think about adding you.
2. I do not want to accept your FarmTown gifts. I DON’T EVEN HAVE A FARM! I tried to have a farm, but I apparently suck at harvesting crops so it died. Then I got rid of FarmTown, yet you still want to bestow upon me gifts of seeds, plows, and recently acquired farm-handy items. Let me repeat: I DON’T HAVE A FARM. Therefore, your wagon will sit on my fancy virtual city lot unused and unappreciated.
3. I do not want to fill out a survey in which I am “required” to elaborate on my first kiss or any other PDA-esque moment in my life. Gross. And I don’t want to know those things about you, either!
4. I do not want to see your smoochy smoochy cuddly wuddly messages to your girlfriend/boyfriend!
5. I do not want boycott anything, especially restaurants that were established in part by a good friend of mine. Duh, don’t send that to me.
6. I do not want to read your depressing status updates. I understand that we all have bad days and want to rant about them… heck, I event rant about them via my statuses. But, really. Your life can’t be that bad! SOMETHING good has to happen from time to time!
7. I do not want to be tagged in super ugly pictures of myself. I’m sorry, I’m vain. I know it. Thank God for the untagging tool.
8. I do not want to chat with you EVERY SINGLE TIME I am on facebook. This has since become less of an issue in recent weeks/months, but when facebook chat first started, it seemed like an IM-ing free for all. Use in moderation, people. Moderation.
9. I do not want to read about how you hate Monday or how you are thanking God it’s Friday or how there are only so many hours left until the weekend, your day off, your vacation, your long-awaited source of relief. Mainly because Fridays and weekends are just as busy for me and I get jealous.
10. Last but never least, I DO NOT WANT to read about what you’re doing at every single second! (This applies to Twitter, too!). No one wants to know what you have for lunch every day, no one cares if you go to the gym every day or not, no one wants to know about the billboards you pass as you’re driving to your vacation destination, no one wants a play-by-play of your life. No one. Except God. And you don’t need facebook or Twitter to access him.
There it is, folks. I hope you did not read this in its entirety because it will only confirm that I have had 1) way too much free time on my hands and 2) way too much coffee. Basically, I think having a job and classes again will help with my animosity towards the facebook. But, for now…. this is just how I feel so deal with it!